Thoughts by the Ocean
by Meghan6
Summary: Angel never told Buffy about Connor, before or after he was kidnapped. Now Angel's sitting inside a little glass coffin awaiting daylight, when Buffy appears and not realizing sits on his tomb, talking her thoughts to the ocean.
1. Thoughts by the Ocean

Day was just hours away and Angel was in a panic. Conner had trapped him inside this glass coffin and soon the first rays of sunlight would shine and turn him to ash. Its funny how life works, his final thoughts were not of Conner, his son, but instead a girl. Buffy, it was like he could feel her. He wanted to beg her forgiveness for all the pain he had caused her with his love, he wanted to hold her one more time and to kiss her goodbye. A noise crunched and the hollow bang of someone walking on metal reached his ears. Angel should have picked up the noise long before, should have noticed but his thoughts were on Buffy, his love. A boot appears in front of his line of vision, and the boot bends and suddenly a human is sitting on his coffin. Angel wanted to shout out, but then he saw who it was. Buffy.  
  
Her face was turned slightly away from him, but not so far that he couldn't see the first tear to fall from her eyes. He wanted to scream in pain and sorrow, but her agony, left him weeping silently. Buffy, raises her face towards the heavens and just sits there staring, letting her tears fall, one by one unto Angel's glass grave. She didn't notice anyone was near, and her ability to feel Angel was brushed aside as his just being in the same city not less than two feet away.  
  
"Love, does not conquer all," her voice whispers to the sea, "It doesn't destroy evil or hate, in fact, love destroys love. Love destroys us." Buffy's voice trails off. She sighs looking out towards the waves.  
  
Angel wanted to reach out and to hold her, to tell her it wasn't true. That love was pure and good and could conquer all, but his intentions were dashed upon the shore as she started to speak again.  
  
"I lost everything that ever meant anything to me. My friends have moved on, my sister doesn't need me, mom died, dad.well he's not important anymore. I should have stayed dead, and then maybe this awful emptiness wouldn't be consuming me. I'm slowly dying inside of myself. I lost a wonderful baby boy, and Angel.heh.guess heaven does show all hun?"  
  
Buffy wipes away her continuous tears. She leans forward and stares at the ground, her hands idly brushing across her kneecap.  
  
"You have always been there, my constant. Its amazing that the ocean, a forever changing body, remains constant in its silent, its loud, eternity. I broke because of love, I'm empty because of it. Angel left me not once, but thousands of times. Every second he thought of me and didn't return to me, was betrayal. Every time he avoided me in the years that followed his first leaving. It hurts to love someone that much. It breaks you, and crumbles what remains of my heart. I needed him, everyday, every moment, was torture without him. Letting something as wondrous as love go, kills the soul, it does. Who I am now, is not who I ever planned to be, I planned to be Buffy. I am just a shadow of what I was, could have been." she shakes her head and lets out a slow sigh.  
  
Angel's heart broke at her words, it shattered in time again and again in tune of her heartbeats. He lay so still, that he never attracted her attention, and Buffy continued to spill out her aching heart.  
  
"I could have been his. Completely, husband and wife, in the sunlight. Two soul mates walking hand in hand their feet following the paths of their beating hearts. I can understand why, Angel, reversed those memories. If only he knew just what he gave up. I got to see, a possible future, when I was in heaven." the sound of a crying seagull breaks into her reverie, and Buffy glances toward the diving bird. An hour remains until the sunrise and she pulls her thoughts together again.  
  
"I was pregnant, with a child. Ours. Can you believe it? A beautiful, baby boy, that would've grown up to be just like his dad.but Angel changed that when he did what he thought was right. I came into the room, and he smashed that demon's head crystal and everything changed. My baby. my baby, was taken from me. I didn't get to go through with the pregnancy. How could I? He was never conceived. Connor, never got to be brought into this world. If only Angel knew, he thought he was keeping me safe, but he ended up breaking just another piece of my soul, my heart." again Buffy put her head in her hands and wept her sorrow, her grief for the lost baby of her dreams. Angel thought he'd died again. Oh god, no. No. They never told him, she'd never told him. Buffy. Angel wanted so desperately to touch her, to hold her in his arms.  
  
"Angel could never tell me about hell. I will never be able to tell anyone about heaven, not even him. Sure, Spike knows I came back from there, and he might have gained what he thought was part of my heart, but how can one give away what has already be given? Stolen? I wish, I wish, I was strong. I'm not, not anymore. I don't have the strength to keep fighting, I can't feel anything. Its no longer painful, its just everyday. I wish I could feel, anything, just something. To be alive again, to be able to."  
  
A noise breaks into her quiet speech to the ocean, turning Buffy looks behind her at the boy just yards away.  
  
"Connor?" Buffy whispers not daring to breath. She had had this dream of seeing him, of being with him.  
  
"No. Steven." The boy murmurs looking at the angel sitting where Angelus was lying.  
  
"No, you are my son."  
  
"I'm no one's son."  
  
Buffy turns all the way around. The first smile Angel had seen on her face in the last couple of hours graces her face.  
  
"But see, that's where you're wrong Connor."  
  
The boy interrupts, "Why must you keep calling me that?"  
  
"Because Steven, will never be your name. Come here son, please?" Buffy opened her arms to the young boy.  
  
Cautiously he steps forward, afraid of the woman who held out her arms to him.  
  
"How? My mother was a vampire."  
  
A confused look crosses her face, but it instantly vanishes and she smiles. Her beauty shining through the grit of her tears.  
  
"Vampires cannot have children, baby. Their seed is dead."  
  
"Well obviously you are wrong, here I am, and I came from two vampires."  
  
"No, you came from the day that wasn't."  
  
"The day that wasn't?"  
  
Buffy precedes to explain to her son the working of her past and how they lead to his being here. At the end, Connor is gripping his mother tightly and crying into her shoulder. Buffy soothes his back with her tiny hand.  
  
"Shh.love. Everything will be okay. It'll take time, but it'll be okay. Now, you've got to tell me how you grew so quickly." Buffy leans back and gently brushes her son's tears away.  
  
Angel couldn't believe what he was witnessing. His son betrayed him, and yet, here was another aspect of the boy he loved. It was taking awhile to process the information that Buffy had told Connor. He saw the horror and pain that touched her face as their son told her what had become of him. In the end, Connor's head hung limply from his shoulders. Buffy touches his shoulder and he lifts his gaze.  
  
"The world is so different here. So many things have happened. So many mistakes and choices gone wrong. Connor, listen to me, I know Angel and he wouldn't hurt the man who you think of as your Dad. He's angry and wanted reasons, there must be another explanation, to everything. To the fang marks on Holtz neck. Possibly another vampire? Although, I don't see why. They like to drain young people, they tend to taste better. Come." Buffy holds out her hand, "let's go find your Daddy. My Angel."  
  
Sunlight was beginning to hit the horizon, and suddenly Connor yelped and stood up.  
  
"I, I, I, kind of trapped him, so when sunlight came in the morning he'd die." Connor looked horrified at what he'd done and Buffy look anxious.  
  
"Where is he, Connor?"  
  
For the first time, since Angel had laid eyes on Buffy, did he speak.  
  
"Right here love, right here."  
  
Surprised, Buffy looked down at her soul mate, he winced as a patch of sunlight started to creep into his glass confinement area. Quickly Buffy, smashed the glass, and pulled him up and out. Before any more damage could be done to him, Buffy tossed a black tarp that had been lying near the garbage dump. The three ran to Angel's car, and Buffy started the engine. It roared to life, and she drove recklessly to the hotel.  
  
Once there, Angel made a mad dash into the hotel, while Buffy and Connor, held hands and walked inside. Things weren't better, but they certainly weren't worse. There was a lot to talk about, a lot to say, and still more a lot to explain. The three would take their time and toe the limits of their newfound family, and see what the future may bring. So, what might have turned out badly, can end up rather well. Only time would tell, only time would tell.  
  
THE END. 


	2. Disclaimer

Disclaimer:  
  
Don't own anything related to BtVS or Angel. Joss, Mutant Enemy, UPN, WB, whatever.they own it and are making it suck monkeys so I tried to add a little pazaam into my idea of a possible BA connection story. 


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